Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
