I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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