these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
