I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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