That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
