there's paper in my vomit.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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