Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
