Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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