do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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