Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
