the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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