Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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