nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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