I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
