Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
