This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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