The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
third nipple confirmed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
