I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
