yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
