I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
