dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i wish my penis had a tongue
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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