At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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