She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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