Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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