Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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