She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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