I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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