did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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