Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
