I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
