Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
