Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
