my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
