someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So vagazzling was a success
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
