I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
