OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
