I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
