sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
