It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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