where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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