why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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