a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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