I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
