I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
