One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
