And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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