I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
