Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
