i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
