Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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