Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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