Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
