I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
