Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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